Mental Health: Story No.1
One of the hardest things about that time was that I hadn't dealt with my grief attributed to my two previous miscarriages, additionally not being able to attain one of the things I had ever wanted from a young age, proved to cause such upset and frustrate me.
I watched an interesting Ted Talk about Depression, here is the link.
I had always thought that depression is exactly what most people think it is: a constant darkness and an unending feeling of despair, however Kevin explaining that the not knowing why you don't want to get out of bed because everything in your life is peachy, actually rang true and resonated with me. I hadn't realised it, but I have been suffering from a bout of depression.
I spent most of my time trying to push the upset, hurt and endless questions to the back of my mind, I spent most of my time distracting myself, projecting my issues on to silly projects and dreams of 'one day', but what if one day never came and I was struggling to keep my head above water. I knew that I have a good family and a great selection of friends, I knew that my job was good, I had my health, a loving partner, etc., but I also wanted to cry, most days and for no real reason at all, and that is what was so hard about that time, the admittance that I was depressed.
The worst part was that I was completely unaware of what was wrong with me, and it took my husband telling me over and over, for me to finally accept that I needed external help. I was very lucky that my Doctor wasn't surprised by my reveal and instantly arranged for me to get the right help - six sessions with a local psychiatrist, who helped me put everything into context.